Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Tale of the Boots

Would you like to hear a story with a happy ending? A modern day fairy tale, as it were?

Pull up a chair.

Once upon a time (a few weeks ago) in a lard far far away (midtown Manhattan), I was escorting a cousin from out of town to meet a potential internship coordinator. For my services, I was promised lunch at the brand new Momofuku restaurant, Ma Peche. While we waited in the lobby, I noticed another young woman approaching the guards to sign in.

She was wearing black leggings, long layered cotton t-shirts, a short lightweight jacket, an Hermes scarf and carrying a white Chanel tote bag. In short, she looked the way I do when I have those fantasies when I'm tall and rich and perfect.

She was also sporting a KILLER pair of over the knee flat boots.

Now, a sidebar.

Over the knee boots are so hot right now. Actually, they are hott. Or hawt. Whatevs.

Now, I can pretty much guarantee that the first thing that springs to any one's mind when they think about over the knee boots is "hooker." Like if we were playing free association on a Saturday night while drinking hot toddys or whatnot and I say, "over the knee boots," you say, "hooker."

This acute association phenomenon is known as the "I saw Pretty Woman" syndrome. In that classic film, Julia Roberts spends the better part of the movie sporting what amounts to a large tube sock and black patent leather knee high boots.

I won't bore you with the details of the plot...oh, seriously, who am I kidding? If you read this blog, you've seen this movie at least 400 times and are currently humming, "Wild Women Do" wondering why I would even feel the need to explain any of this.

Either that or you are under the age of FIFTEEN which is the age at which my mother-imposed embargo on watching Pretty Woman expired in a blaze of rebellion by watching it on VHS at my friend's house.

So, right. Over the knee boots equal slutty. That was the point there.

But now they are everywhere!! And normal, non-hookers-without-hearts-of-gold are wearing them!

I was intrigued by this trend sweeping the nation (not really) but set some ground rules.

OTK boots must not be too expensive. Because really? These are lovely, but I don't think my husband would ever forgive me if I spent the current contents of our checking account on a pair of boots, even if they do make me look like a hooker. For me, "not too expensive" equates to roughly "not more than I would spend on a trendy pair of knee high boots."

OTK boots must not cause "muffin top of the thigh." I mean, danger Will Robinson! It's a sausage casing around the meatiest part of your leg. I'm sure there are some readers out there who have perfect, slim thighs and can pull off any pair of boots. Well, to you I say, pfffffffffftttttttttt (raspberry sound). Shut up, go be perfect elsewhere. The rest of us must suffer through trying on every pair possible to find the one that does not make us look a lollipop.

OTK boots should be flat. For the normal peeps in the house, the high heel only accentuates the "lady of the evening" connotations and makes them less versatile. Because how many situations in DC call for that kind of boot? Besides visiting with David Vitter? Exactly.

Alright, back to the story.

So, here I was, just mesmerized by this girl who seemed to be pulling off these OTK boots perfectly. I studied the boots...there was a zipper in the inner calf, but it didn't go all the way up. There was a gap in the OTK part, but with a buckle. I went super Encyclopedia Brown on her ass.

When i got home a few days later, the boots were still haunting my dreams. I started to sleuth the interwebs, assuming that I would find the boots were Prada, Chanel, Loub, etc and were way out of my price range and give up. However, a search of Neimans, Barney's and Bergdorfs turn up nothing even close to similar.

So, I turned to Shop Style.

And the clouds parted. And the music swelled. And I saw the boots.

The Matisse Buccaneer boot.

And they were under $300.

I think I passed out at this point.

I could have ordered them online, but an impending trip to New York for Thanksgiving allowed me to postpone and actually try them on. I really assumed that I would try them on, they would be too tight, and I could get on with my life. But they weren't. They looked amazing.

And better yet? The OTK part folds down, making them simply a nice pair of knee high flat boots. Even suitable for the office.

Now I know I passed out.

And now they are mine!!!

And we lived happily ever after....