Great, now that song is totally stuck in my head.
Previouslies: There was a whole season of craziness and fashion!! Did you miss it? Then you shouldn't be watching this episode!
Reunions, whether they be reality TV shows, college, high school, that summer camp you went to once upon a time, whatever, are basically all the same. Now, there should be some ground rules for reunions in general.
First of all, they should definitely include some booze. It makes everything a little easier. Especially when you go to a reunion and watch an ex-boyfriend PROPOSE to his girlfriend. TOTALLY A HYPOTHETICAL. And, it makes it a lot easier when you go up to him and bitch him out. AGAIN, I AM TOTALLY MAKING THIS UP. It also makes it a lot more fun for the people watching.
However, the PR reunion seemed very dry. Seriously, the Sahara looked like a pool party compared to this place. And hence, very little screaming and yelling. Actually, people seemed pretty civil.
One sticking point that I thought was sure to draw some screaming and hair pulling was the recap of the Jeffrey/Angela spat during the Mom challenge. And I think Angela expected it too. Actually, I think she was baiting him into it. But Jeffrey didn't really nibble. I thought he was very unapologetic, but less asshole-y than in the actual show, and didn't really give anyone cause to argue. I think Angela was disappointed. Maybe she can make a great big bubble skirt and decorate it with rosettes. Then I'd pick a fight with her.
Second necessity for reunions is seeing that people who were totally whatever then, have become cool now.
Malan wins the grown-up introspective, better-in-the-reunion-than-he-was-on-the-show award. He was insightful as to what he did while he was on the show, talked a little bit about his lousy 'rents who wouldn't let him go into fashion because he might be gay and modestly acknowledged that he showed at Fashion Week. I heard that his collection was fantastic. Maybe even better than any of the Final Four. Oh, and I've been refusing to look at any of the pictures of the collections online because I would like SOME element of surprise when I watch the show. Also, the other contestants seemed genuinely happy for him and Malan had a good laugh (read: cackle) at the retrospective of his bizarre laugh.
Third rule: Aaannnnddd, some people are just as freakish and weirdo as you remember.
There truly are no words to describe how totally whacked out Vincent is. But I'll give it the old college try.
Ummm, I anticipated the whole "it turns me on" crap. Fine! I saw the preview! I steeled myself for the creepycrawlies.
The scrambling to explain his online trash talk? Totally confusing and not working. I think everyone had it right when they looked at Vincent like he had two heads and said, "we're the amateurs?" And snaps to Tim Gunn for taking the wind out of Vincent's sails by elegantly stating that he thought his work blew...but it's nothing personal.
But the laundry scene? Hellooooo?!?! Was anyone else having Mommie Dearest flashbacks? I cannot BELIEVE that that hit the cutting room floor. Truly one of the funniest reality show moments. Especially Michael's bleep-filled imitations.
Also winning the DSM-IV award for crazy is Keith! I get that he is pissed. But dude is a total LIAR. To pathological extremes. What was that whole insinuation that the producers planted the books in his room after they took them away? Oh, snaps in z formation to Tim for calling Keith out too. Then claiming that he never knew that you couldn't have them?? Didn't them taking them away tip you off? And...I'm about to go legal on Keith's ass...READ YOUR CONTRACT BEFORE YOU SIGN IT! You are assumed to have read and understood everything in a contract once you sign it. EVERYTHING. Any first year law student could tell you that.
Which brings me to the fourth rule...not everyone is as smart as they thought they were. While the designers may be creative and talented with those insane sewing machines...they are not exactly Nobel Prize winners. Apparently, Tim's vast vocabulary confounded them all! He used words like "mitigate," "caucus," and "sturm und drang!" I sincerely hope the last one didn't confuse Heidi or Uli. Look, I'm trying not to be an intellectual snob here (cough, over 700 on the verbal SAT, cough, cough) but this is NOT rocket science. Ok, fine, I'm a total snob and I totally love dropping "placate" in my everyday conversations. Tim and I are a match made in heaven. But I knew that.
Fifth rule! Show up with a slamming new look!
Oh yes, Bradley with the buzz cut. Much more sleek and less Woodstock (the Snoopy sidekick, not the music festival. Although that works too.)
Laura with the ginormous uterus! Crap on a stick! Is she having a litter? She did look faboo though, in the red dress and rocking the high heels.
Everyone else looked the same.
Sixth rule, there is always a popularity contest. Always.
And Michael won it. Can I get a "DUHHHH???" A highlight: Laura's total vicarious embarrassment for Michael receiving the huge poster check. Seriously? What is the point of those?
Seventh, try to learn from your experiences.
I think this was my favorite moment of the whole show, when given the opportunity to questions Michael Kors and NinaGarcia about anything, Angela goes straight for the dog challenge.
"Uhhh, if I had had a different story???"
"No wait, what if there were a different..."
"Awful." "Hootchie." "Scary."
Way to put the smack down guys!
Other than that...I finished this reunion and am totally ready to move on, get on with life and see what's ahead. Just like after my own college reunion. Except....minus the pounding headache....and the sinking feeling I did something regrettable...
No Tim's Take because he was brutally honest in the reunion, but Blogging Project Runway's got lots of goodies!