Or as I like to call it, a totally moot recap, because you all already know who wins.
Previouslies: Seriously people, why are you watching if you don't know what happened before this? Oh fine. Laura accused Jeffrey of cheating, while everyone else made clothes.
Tim calls Jeffrey on his product placement phone and tells him that they are getting IRS on Jeffrey's ass and auditing that crapola out of his receipts. Tim also informs Jeffrey that there is no evidence that he paid someone to do the pleating on these cute little shorts that he has. Apparently there are people who specialize in pleating things for designers. Who knew?? I'm totally seeking one of those people out and getting something pleated.
So, Tim tells Jeffrey to have this House O' Pleats come up with a receipt pronto and fax it over STAT! Jeffrey laments that this pleat place is like Sanford and Son, at which point the theme song gets totally stuck in my head. They are unable to forge a receipt, get to a Kinko's and make things happen for Jeffrey, so he is SOL and knows it. You can tell because he starts making a new skirt. It's like my friend who bakes when she gets stressed out, or my friend who drinks when he gets over worked...ok...nevermind.
Finally, Tim arrives and tells everyone to gather round to hear the verdict. In measured tones and words that make who ever edits the misleading scene clips for next week salivate, Tim announces that Jeffrey certainly DID do all his own sewing. BUT! He does not have a chicken-scratch receipt for the shorty-shorts and he went over budget by a few hundred dollars. Dude?!? What was he thinking?
Well, whatever, then Uli clutches Jeffrey in relief as Laura smiles a screwed-lip grin. (Umm, Uli? You were the one who told Laura to tell on Jeffrey, let's not get all huggy-kissy now and then tell Laura that she must be happy that she made Jeffrey cry).
Actually, I thought there was a nice little cathartic circle here, as Jeffrey made someone else cry (Angela's mom, in case you haven't ever seen or read anything about the show) and now he must cry. Ahhhh, sweet justice.
But no time for reflection here!!! Back to work!!
There are many shots of everyone desperately trying to finish up their collections and Jeffrey tells Tim that he will not use the bizarro Vanessa Beecroft wigs in his collection to make up for the budget blowing. Tim nearly cries in relief that the runway show will be that much less flammable.
On to the runway! There is a strange shot of them walking across the street into the tent where there are no cars anywhere (I guess that's the magic of television, folks) and then we see everyone talk about how much this means to them, blah blah blah...I want clothes!! And celebrities!! And C-list Bravo "stars!"
My impressions of the collections:
Michael: Despite walking out to the thunderous applause of the crowd, as befitting the winner of the Popularity Contest, Michael's collection was really disappointing. Everything was SO tight, SO short, SO booby-licious that it was too much. There was so much gilt that I was expecting King Midas himself to walk down the runway and turn the Queer Eye guys into blocks of bullion. I thought there should have been either something to make it wearable or something to make it ironic. There was neither, but I really have no fears about Michael going on to do things in the future, so I make peace with the fact that he won't win.
Laura: I thought Laura's collection was pretty fantastic. Yes, it was all eveningwear, but until recently, so was Badgley Mischka. And yes, it was very similar to a lot of what she already did in the show, but so was Uli's collection. I thought some of the dresses were really elegant and not so rib-baring as her other things. Honestly, for me it was between her collection and Jeffrey's for the win. But more on that later.
Uli: Ok, I know everyone loves Uli. People are swarming NinaGarcia and breathing down her neck to get Uli to design a line for them. She is a genius with prints. Her collection was very resort which is totally in right now. I get it. I just thought her collection was the same dress she showed in every. single. challenge. in the show. With a weird little tan jacket thing thrown in. She kept telling the judges that she wanted to show something other than prints, but I don't think the prints were the problem. I think the dress was the problem. The flowy dress with the little keyhole near the boobs. I wish she had used the prints to do pants for once! But that's just me, and I truly thought that she was going to win....
Jeffrey: Wow, I can't believe they chose Jeffrey. I mean, I thought he deserved to win and all, but wow. I totally thought Uli was going to win. I thought his collection was awesome. I found it really creative and hip. I loooveeed his dresses. Those, I would wear today if I could. But I can't because it's like 2 degrees out. Even the dresses that Fern Mallis thought looked out of place, the blue and silver minidresses. I loooved them. I would wear the skinny pants with the cute little jackets. I felt like he designed for someone I would like to look like, if I were cool and lived in the East Village before the NYU took over every building (as opposed to living in Dupont before every building becomes a Starbucks). Mmmm, yeah, I just loved. And I'm really glad that he won, because I think he earned it.
So, Jeffrey won. What did you all think about the finale? Do you totally disagree with me on the Uli-dress? Did you think Jeffrey deserved to win because he could totally use the free car in L.A.? Do you think Michael should move to New York and work for Michael Kors? Has Laura had her baby yet? Should Tim commission someone to design new outfits for the House pages?
Until next season!!