Thursday, August 31, 2006

Project Runway: High Flying Fashion

Or as I like to call it, Sponsorpalooza '06!! Whoo hoo!

Good times.

I joined the program a little late for the previouslies as I watched the pure Jerry-Bruckheimer-filth fest that was Justice on Fox. Let's just say that everyone in that show deserves to be disbarred. Especially Jack from Dawson's Creek. For shame!

But...let me sum it up by saying, everyone liked Robert and it was so sad to see him go and Jeffery is a mommy-hater, but more on that later.

Bring on the product placements!

We open to Kayne stretching in the semi-buff in the Atlas apartment (also known as, no real estate in New York is free, just call it a hotel with a kitchen). This has become a theme with Bravo. Who ever stretches half naked in the opening sequence has a rough time in the upcoming episode. See generally Jeffrey in Project Runway: Everyday Woman.

Also we hear Uli and Laura rapping about Laura's bun-in-the-oven. Laura continues to be all, Whatevs, the nanny is on the payroll and I've got her visa held hostage, so I'll crank out as many as my husband can fertilize.

Then Heidi gets back on the runway and I find myself wishing that she had taken her own sponsor's product and put on a bra.

They do a model selection and two of them leave. The redhead is all jumpy that Kayne kept her around and then Bravo tries to make us care about the models. No dice. Heidi tells them that the challenge is to design for an "international jet setter." Angela gasps and grins like her mother just showed up again. This becomes a theme of Angela overacting at every chance she gets during this episode. Laura grins and is all, me-me-me-me-me. Kayne starts talking about Tara Reid and I get that sick knot in my stomach. No, not just the one I get when I think of Tara Reid. The one where I have a bad feeling that I know who is going home this episode.

Back in the Sweatshop, Tim reveals that the jet setter they will be designing for is THEM! Ooooh, a twist! And they only get $75. Cheap-O.

They start sketching

A trip to Mood. Some questionable fabric choices (yes, Kayne, I mean you). Back to the Sweatshop.

Working working working.

Then Jeffrey starts needling Angela.

Now, at this point I would like to clarify my feelings about Jeffrey/Angela and the mom situation. I think the Jeffrey is an ass for the things he said to Angela's mom and for sending her down that runway in that piece of poo dress. However, I don't feel bad for Angela and I don't like her any more.

Jeffrey starts talking about "the challenge" and how horrible it was for him, really loudly but always with the caveat that he's not talking about Angela's mom, just the Challenge. Riiight. And the Pope is really Jewish. Angela gets pissy and they whole things starts up again.

Honestly, I'm over it. Show me dresses baby!

Tim comes in to save the day. He appears cool with Uli's outfit, fine with Laura's, sort-of 'eh' on Michael's, nonplussed by Vincent's (who is totally cheating by copying the pants he's wearing and FREAKING ME OUT by working in his boxers), concerned with Angela's, ecstatic in totally laid back Tim way about Jeffrey's and extremely concerned with Kayne's.

Back at the Atlas ranch, Michael is trying to show Kayne how to walk like a male model. Kayne tries to emulate but comes up a little short. He sums it up by referencing the fact that while Michael is from "ghetto," he is from "white trash." Hey Kayne, just so you know, we call it the trailer park, not "white trash."

Then it's a little sleepy-sleepy time and off to the runway! At 10:30 pm! This is like a PR world record.

Oh! The guest judge is Francisco Costa from Calvin Klein. Mmmmm, looove Calvin Klein lately. Am excited, but it turns out that we don't really get a whole lot from him.

While the designers get ready with their fully sponsored L'Oreal makeup and Tresemme hair products, we are treated to some granny panty/gynecomastia shots. Sweet.

Coming down the runway, here are my impressions:

Uli: Great mixed pattern dress, but I agree with the judges, been there, drank that, seen this.

Vincent: So whatever I don't know what to say. There are dudes at Smith Point who dress better than this. And that says a lot. At least I didn't get a shot of Little Vincent while he was working in his undies.

Michael: Loved the seersucker cargo pants with the hip hop vibe, basically, Michael has yet to do wrong by me. Blinders are firmly attached, and I don't care.

Angela: Holy Jesus, lay off the rosettes. I mean seriously? Highlighting your ass with them? Making the straps of your floppy tank top with them? What the...??? I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around what this obsession is. Is there a DSM-IV diagnosis for granny-circle mania? If not, get it a CPT code and get Angela to therapy. OMG. And her outfit sucked.

Kayne: Poor Kayne. Poor Poor Kayne. It was like a butterfly vomited all over Johnny Cash and then gave his outfit to a club kid at Tunnel on gay night. Poor poor Kayne.

Jeffrey: I thought Jeffrey's outfit was great. I thought he looked great, I thought the outfit looked like him, I think he deservedto win. I could have lived without the buttons on the crotch, but at least he wasn't wandering around in his boxers like some other designers (hint, hint!)

Laura: I thought this was better from Laura. Still with the plunging neck and the classic colorlessness, but at least a little swingy and I liked the sash knot. I would have prefered another color on someone so pale, but c'est la vie, y'know?

Oh, wait, did you like that foreshadowing? I've got plenty where that came from.

Because Heidi tells they they are jet setting! Right now! They want to see if their outfits hold up to TSA strip searches! But they won't find out where they are going until they get to the airport.

So they furiously pack and hop a van to JFK (umm, real jet setters hop the helicopter to Teeterboro) with their Orbitz sponsored tickets. They get to the airport and find out that they are hopping a flight to Paris! In first class! Laura talks about how clearly she is relieved that she doesn't have to stoop.

Now, let's pause here for one minute. I know this is TV, but COME ON! It takes at least twenty minutes to get to JFK from the city at 4 am on a Tuesday. Then they get to the airport and it is EMPTY. There is no one wanding Jeffrey's crotch over his little spangles, no making Kayne take off his nameplate rhinestone belt buckle. No one seems to bat an eyelash that they didn't know where they were going and didn't seem to care. Maybe I have just lived in DC too long but this would scream CODE ORANGE to me. Uh, paging Tom Ridge to the Bravo board meeting.

Fine, I'll stop.

So they fly to Paris with surprise guest companion Tim (totally great spinoff show where Tim Gunn just pops up in people's lives for about twenty minutes, I'm just saying) on a totally empty flight! Fine fine, I'll stop.

They get off the plane and are whisked away to Parsons Paris in the 15th where they quickly realize that someone is getting a roundtrip to CDG awfully soon. Catherine Malandrino shows up to deliver the bad news. Because nothing sounds icier than getting the shaft in a French accent.

And who gets it???

ANGELA!!!

I totally thought Kayne was going down in the purple flames on his back, but they mercifully cut Angela instead. Ahhh, sweet relief washed over me.

NOW I'm excited for the rest of the show.

So, did you notice that L'Oreal had a new commercial? Apparently eyeliner is IN. And there is something called a smoky eye that is all the rage with the kiddies! INC has unfortunately not followed suit and continues to bore me with that sad runway show and obnoxious song which is on repeat in my head.

Also, Daniel V trolls the Piers looking to pick up a little inspiration. Just a tip for any tourists coming to New York, I know something else you can pick up at the Piers.

That's right. VD.

And on that happy note, don't forget to check out Tim's Take and Blogging Project Runway.

PS. I gave up on trying to post pictures because Blogger hates my guts. Sorry!