Saturday, July 29, 2006

Project Runway: A Designer's Best Friend

Whoo-hoo, time for another dip in the fabulous pool of reality TV fashion!! Jump on in!

Previouslies: Angela is a total pyscho, Vincent is still crazy, but looking better compared to Angela, Malan has major Freudian issues to work out, but he gets sent home for his driftwood-LOTR-homage.

Onward!!

Ok, I've got to zip through this. You would think that work would slow down as we approach the ghost town days of August, but nooooo. Congress got a bug up its ass and I am working like recess is some sick fantasy I invented myself.

So Heidi does the model selection quickly, and we realize that they are sticking with the system that allowed Zulema to announce, "I want to have a walkoff," like she was Zoolander. Nobody else can be Zoolander! Nobody!! Kayne sticks with his model.

The Heidi announces that they are designing for the "hottest fashion accessory" and sends them away to await their meeting with Tim. They all start speculating and, for some reason, Laura gets this idea that it will involve horses. Whatever. I think she just wanted an excuse to wear her "equestrian Bridgehampton Polo opener outfit," carted all the way downtown from 77th and Park.

They arrive in the Park and Tim shows up walking thirteen tiny PUPPIES!!! Laura looks like she swallowed Draino while all the other designers coo over the dogs and choose.

The most astute comment made in the entire show is when Jeffrey says that they each picked the dog version of themselves. It's SOOO TRUE!

So the designers take their canine Mini-Me-s back to the Sweatshop and get to work. They need a story for their model explaining her outfit and the coordinating dog outfit. They all come up with their little stories and get to work.

There is some drama here involving Laura, Keith and her annoying bird-like chest but I've got to get to a briefing, so I've got to skip it.

The biggest story here is that Bradley is totally screwing off, changing his design and not actually working. He laments that he doesn't want to get kicked off on his birthday, but he doesn't seem to be able to get anything done. Maybe he should go into therapy with Malan after the show. In the news, NBC cancels PR because the psychiatry bills exceed their budgets. This is totally ridonculous because he has the cutest dog!! I love Norwich terriers. It was all I could do to keep myself from jumping into the TV and stealing him.

Onto the runway!!

The best:

Michael, again, he showed a strong tweedly looking dress with crisscrossing neckline and STILL did not get picked for the top panel. What up guys?? I think he's just flying under the radar until BA-BAM he wins out of nowhere.

Uli made this totally hot looking dress which is the type of thing I always want to wear but never have the guts to pull off. Her mix of patterns was pretty fricking awesome and I love the little jacket and the pug. I honestly thought she would get shafted again in favor of Allison, so I thought the win was well deserved.

Allison's outfit was also pretty cool. It was a real outfit too, not just a dress. I thought she did a great job on the coat for the poodle when I saw it in the Sweatshop, but I didn't think it was that visible on the runway. Perhaps a different color would have been better, but what the hell do I know?? Also, NinaGarcia is totally enamored of hairstyles!! What's up with that? Move her to the Elle beauty department or something.

Bradley, despite his total inertia and wishywashy-ness turned out a pretty sick outfit. I would like to wear that to work and cause quite the stir around the hearing room, y'know what I mean? He lives to see another day on the runway...

Jeffrey, Kayne, Robert, Laura and Bonnie all made great outfits, but I also felt as thought they didn't really stand out in this episode. This was one of some really great highs and some MAJOR lows, so the middle is kind of large too. Also, if I don't get moving they are going to send the Capitol Police in here to drag me away from the keyboard.

Although, PS, I'm getting tired of Laura's schtick with the tweedy suity coaty things with the faux fur. Can her five kids put together spell "one-note loser?"

The worst:

Crazy Pants Vincent is oh so crazy. He spend so much time cracking himself up over the dogs outfit that all he made was some teeny black dress and paired it with tights. Whatevs. He'll totally be KOed soon.

Keith is so obnoxious! Talk about another candidate for PR Pyschoanalysis! Why is he such a pathological liar? He is obviously talented and gets stuff done, so why does he misrepresent things all the time to pump himself up? Get thee to a couch!

Also, while Keith was taking his verbal beatdown from the estrogen packed panel, Bitchy Pants Allison is standing watching gleefully. Hey Angela, wipe that shit-eating grin off your face! You dress sucked poo! I'm sorry, I should say, weirdo crop top and hootchie puffy skirt. Oh, yeah, and when you design an outfit that looks EXACTLY LIKE YOURS (only skankier), don't wear it to the runway. It makes it obvious. Ivanka was totally my hero when she said the model looked like a street walker. Have her on the show more often.

Poor, poor Katy. Her dress was just so blah. The puppy was so cute though! I feel bad mostly because she has to live with knwoing that Angela's psycho-crinkly-hooker outfit was chosen over hers. That must sting.

OMG, I'm about to get fired.

But next week!!! We find out what gets some one kicked out!! Will it be Bitchy-Pants Angela stealing Vincent's Lithium and snorting it herself? Will it be Bradley and his constant loser-talk? Keith and his pathological lying? Will Kayne and Robert fall madly in love and elope to Massachusetts have a wedding officiated by Michael Kors? Who knows!!

1 comment:

InsultComicDog said...

Bitchy Pants Allison

Deliberate?